


My Recovery to you

by ComingUndone



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-12 12:18:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5665807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ComingUndone/pseuds/ComingUndone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it's about unbecoming everything that isn't really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place. (This collection was originally posted on my FFN account over the summer/fall of 2013)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Chapter 1  
This is my first FFN and I do not own Criminal Minds or its Characters. This is the beginning of a series of drabbles pertaining to Emily Prentiss (thoughts and feelings), ultimately leading to several long chapter series. Thank you for reading and I hope that you enjoy!

THOUGHTS FROM LONDON

Looking off into the night London skyline from my balcony enjoying all that my high rise loft has to offer, I ponder off into the recesses of my mind just like so many other nights since I moved back. Even though I have been here for what seems like forever in my mind I have to agree with everything I have been through leading to this point & place in my life had a rhyme or reason. If you had told me 14 months ago that I would be a successful "INTERPOL POWERESS" …..I probably would have laughed at the mere assumption, but here I am having the time of my life! Maybe "time of my life" was a little exaggerated, but still kind of true. I am home every night in my own bed, & I even get to enjoy my weekends off, which let's face it I was not able to do that the 6 years prior to that with the BAU. Oh, wait I guess I should say 5 years & 5 months, considering my 7 months of lonely hell here in London being a ghost to the world, pretending that I & Lauren never existed. Although that seems a lifetime ago, in fact it has only been…OMG I guess it has been 2 years since I made my way back from the dead! Funny how time just seems to slip away, even when you are having the time of your life! Lord do I ever sound rhetorically smug as I let those thoughts emerge from my very un-compartmentalized brain at this moment.

The breeze from the storm I feel rolling in & the sweet smell of rain that is sure to come makes me remember a night not so long ago when you held me ever so tightly in your arms dancing the night away. (Laughing shyly at the memory)….even though we had touched so many times before, but that night was different almost magical some would say! Even though it ended so quickly, & I ran off again to London again away from you, "OH WAIT"….I mean the team just after everyone had just gotten me back from my hell of being a ghost…..It almost seemed bittersweet ALMOST! God how I wish my mind would quit with the "YOU's"….that word keeps trying to make something out of something else that was only a lifetime ago or maybe a glimmering spark that quickly fizzled out knowing the consequences of that game.

I realized when I left the 2 of you that day in Dulles international Airport tarmac things where never going to be the same again. I cried that whole day knowing the end (after the Olympics in September 2012) had just begun…..silly girl I think to myself & wonder why I do this to myself….why do I let myself even think of those wasted years of not seeing what was really happening between all of us and especially between us….. (With a silent sigh of disgust & a misty eye) But then again (chuckling) there never was an "US"…..! My over imaginative being read into those last few moments or should I say last few months before I returned to London, only to find something I never knew waiting for me.

I feel the slight little chill run through me as the soft crystal like raindrops fall upon my distraught face bringing me back to the present time of having the time of my life (smugly shaking her head), however I know every time I come out here I only bring sadness to my weary heart. I grab my half empty bottle of merlot & head into what I hope will be another night of slumber without you visiting my unconscious mind…. (She takes a deep breath and sighs ever so calmly)! I know my heart will take on another peril after my brain stops functioning when I finish this bottle, but whatever it takes to make it through the night just so I do not have to dream of my so called "DEMONS"…Yeah I classify you as one of my many demons, just like how Doyle creeps in my recesses once in a "Blue Moon", however you seem to set up camp their & make roots there every moment of everyday. I know I am a foolish woman to have ever thought I could play this game again…I thought I had my mask on along with my armor when I came back from hell, but apparently you lose that when you come back from being a "GHOST"…or maybe when you are just fooling yourself you are having the time of your life!

THE END


	2. BAU Calling

CHAPTER 2

I DO NOT OWN CRIMINAL MINDS OR ITS CHARACTERS. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED EARLY IN THE DAY TO EMILY BEFORE HER "THOUGHTS FROM LONDON"….HOPE YOU ENJOY!

Friday mornings around the London office where always frantic, if I really think about it they are actually worse than Monday's. I had awoken this morning with a chipper attitude knowing that I was going to be enjoying a peaceful weekend in the countryside with friends….or so I thought!

(On her in office intercom, Nina…Prentiss's aide) announced she was receiving an incoming call from the BAU offices in Quantico, not thinking too much of it since for the past 14 months she regularly received a phone call every Friday from her favorite Media Liaison & BFF in the world. She assumed so they could catch up on the usual drab/gossip from the past week which usually ended in JJ prying to see if I had succumbed to the "European Ways". (Laughing to myself) I pressed the speaker button saying "how is my favorite BAU AGENT this fine morning, (chuckling since I knew it was still the middle of the night in Quantico) but the voice I heard on the other end was completely different than that of the sweet little girl next door voice I was so used to hearing. (She held her breath) Hearing "Well hello to you may FAVORITE PRINCESS"… (With a slight chuckle in his husky voice). "OH GOD"…was all I could say, & he returned with I know I am a "Chocolate God" to Garcia…..but I never knew you thought I was a "GOD"! (Completely red & speechless) I managed to get out I…..I….I…thought you was JJ (with a little hiccup almost in her voice) making her weekly girl chat call!

Derek sighed at what he could feel seemed like another awkward situation between him & her…. (God how he seemed to keep doing that with her every time they spoke the past year)…..Well Princess I would love to girl chat with you but I actually need to talk to you about another matter, he could hear her let out a anxious sigh barely on the other end. God how he wished there wasn't 1800 miles away distancing them so he could see & feel what made her feel so pressured to speak to him.

Derek's mind went back to a few years ago thinking how everything between him and Emily also seem to just fit…..in every way completely except for in the ways that it should have mattered. Now he could say that knowing that what really matter was the feelings they would never admit to each other…..God how that woman drove him insane!

Hearing her clear her throat brought him back to in realization she was waiting for his matter that he was wanting to speak about.

I thought to myself why does this man do this to me….all I could think was please let this phone call be work related considering how late it was in Quantico! I cleared my throat waiting for him to continue, but only heard the shallow breaths coming through on the line.

Derek finally grunted a little breath out almost admittedly then continued with I am sorry if I interrupted your morning but I have an urgent matter in a case we thought was closed but apparently there was actually some lose strings attached to it! He started telling me about the Hopkins/Wardlaw case in how a young mother's where being brutally raped then murdered and posed as lifeless models all over the small suburb town of Irmo, S.C. In my mind I couldn't fathom why he was calling me unless he had some new insight to this case since my conversation with Hotch not even 2 hours ago, but maybe there was a lack of communication between the two…maybe they had forgotten to tell my agents something. I had only spoken to Hotch for a few minutes before turning his call over to my advisory specialist Mick Rawson. Mick had just left my office filling me in on the remainder of his conversation with Hotch and what plans were being made when Nina had informed me of this call. But maybe I was missing something, as he kept speaking, I finally asked him if they had something new come up in the past few hours that she needed to make her team aware of.

Before Derek could get his next sentence out he already knew she was on to him. You would think he would have known better considering how smart this woman was to try and pull one over on her, but he needed to hear her voice, he needed to see if she had missed him, or had realized that she belonged back in Washington DC. He knew this was a bad idea trying to pry, but not seem so obvious to her!

I wanted to call him out so badly….but I also wanted to hear his reasoning for this call….the real reason! I knew it would probably never be answered but I still held my breath when I asked him "What was your real reason for calling"….. I could hear the faint gasp in his voice, before he laughed trying to cover up his mistake, but I could hear the regret in his voice immediately as he said he needed to let me go something had come up & he would be back in touch soon!

I sat there silently for God only knows how long after I heard him hang up…..my mind wondered back to all of those times spent on rides to interviews with victim's families and crime scenes we had made together. Thinking what made things so simple then, why where things so damned fucked up right now?

Derek punched the metal filing cabinet next to him thinking what a damned fool he was…..why couldn't he just be the man he knew she needed him to be instead of the one who only hurt her & made her doubt him! He knew she trusted him completely, but he also knew she would never let him see her as vulnerable as she was that night at JJ & Will's wedding! He had everything he wanted right there wrapped in his arms all he had to do was to tell her, but big "MACHO FBI MAN" was a coward. He really thought she wouldn't do it, he thought after she had promised to never leave them again that he had all the time in the world.

They both thought how in the world can 2 people sitting on opposite sides of one ocean be so close but then again feel like a whole world was between them!

THE END

I ONLY HAVE A FEW MORE OF THESE DRABS TO GET YOU STARTED IN TO THE SERIES OF LORD ONLY KNOWS WHAT! I NEEDED TO MAKE SURE THERE WAS A LITTLE BACK STORY ON WHY EMILY FELT THE WAY SHE HAD THAT EVENING IN THOUGHTS FROM LONDON. THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS ON "THOUGHTS FROM LONDON" AND I HOPE I DO NOT DISAPPOINT! SORRY THIS IS A LITTLE LONGER.


	3. Making a Memory

Chapter 3

I do not own CRIMINAL MINDS OR IT CHARACTERS. I would like to thank those who have commented on previous reads especially paullyn6….much appreciated! FOLLOW UP TO BAU CALLING!

MAKING A MEMORY

MAY 2012

"I think I already miss you"…..those words vibrated through my mind repeatedly all not long, after he had said them & as he walked away with Garcia all I could do was down that velvety smooth glass of Rossi's famed scotch! Hotch looked at me as he had entered knowing I needed to talk, but this definitely was not the place or time.

JJ looked so happy up there with Will & Henry….knowing that I would probably never have that moment of happiness only sent shivers down my already aching body. The events from the few days before made me think that there was hope for us….hope that knowing you almost lost me again that would be your wake-up call to realize you loved me and needed me. Oh how wrong I must have been, even though I kept telling myself the night is still young & I only told him I was just thinking about taking over in London.

Reid spun me around the dance floor saying corny statistical facts about dancing and how it came about making, while I laughed ever so lightly at is demeanor knowing that he was just nervous since dancing was not one of his strong suits. As he spun me out of his reach those strong muscular arms wrapped themselves around my waist taking me by surprise! As he pulled me closer keeping one arm tightly in the small of my back & the other gliding my hand snug to his heart. I didn't realize I wasn't breathing until he asked me if everything was alright & if I was enjoying making memories.

Rossi had stolen me out of Derek's arms before I had time to answer him, saying breath "Bella Mia"! I gave him a slight chuckle telling him I was even though he could see the hesitation in my eyes and hear it in my voice. He asked me if I was making memories tonight (looking at him with doe like eyes) I just kind of smirked that half smile look and bit on my lower lip before I answered him. "Rossi….I have no reason to be the one making memories tonight its JJ & Will's night! He told me I was being foolish, that he saw how he was looking at me & holding me….knowing that a man or should he say just a friend does not look at a women with love in their eyes like that! (Gasping for air) I shook my head as a laughed in is arms knowing he was just trying to get arise out of me, but once again I was being pulled out of another man's arms only to find Hotch face to face with me.

Hotch shook his head telling me how beautiful I looked tonight and that I always seemed to take his breath away during these meetings outside of work. I told him to quit flattering me…..& trying to find out what was happening in my ever crashing around me life! His stern dark eyes softened as they peered at me almost as if he knew I was slipping away again. I was just about to open my mouth again as I felt his firm hands pull me near his warm body once again.

I said hello again….his eyes were on fire almost! He pulled me even closer than before, I almost felt like we were as one…..sighing into his shoulder holding on for dear life never wanting this moment to end!

SEPTEMBER 2012

I felt as if we had rushed around London for those 2 weeks never really getting to discuss anything, since I was playing Garcia's personal tour guide on everything London had to offer. He just seemed to go along in stride never really saying too much…..always just watching as if profiling my every move like we wasn't sure of me anymore, almost as if we were back at the round table that day I came back from being a ghost!

I had so much I wanted to tell him and say to him, but he was working and I was trying to settle into my new role as boss. So when that morning came to see them off at the airport it felt as if the tension between the two of us could stand alone and block anything in its path. Garcia and I said our goodbyes knowing that maybe we needed a moment alone she said she was going to look at the shops for a bit. We both just stood there looking at each other not throwing any caution to what she had just said, lord I do not even think either of us had even took a breath until I said I am going to miss having a man around to do the heavy lifting (since he had been their he had been helping me unpack and move things around or should I say everything only a couple moving in together would do). He gave me that pearly white grin he gives chuckling saying if that is so then why are we not in Washington DC unpacking all your belongings in your new home? Dammit…I said you are never going to let me forget this are you! He squinted his eyes turning quickly as if to be looking for Garcia, but I saw it I know I did a tear falling from his eye. He had turned and picked up his and Garcia's carry-on bags without even looking at me saying I will see you when you decide to make the right move!

Garcia came around the corner with a big grin asking if we had made a memory…..all I could say was with memories like these who need's nightmares! She looked at me strangely, but I just shook my head returning my last goodbyes to her knowing this was the end!

PRESENT DAY JULY 2013

I have never ever been so happy for a Monday morning to get here as I was for this one….although my still lingering headache was fitful I was relieved to be at work instead of at home reliving Friday morning's phone call over again as well as the replaying events between us from the past year. God when will I learn that going through a whole case of wine in one weekend by myself was not good for my health or for my ever rational behavior!

Nina came into give me my messages saying that the top 2 needed addressing right away, but before I could look at them Mick came barging in throwing a file on my desk telling me that Easter could go straight to bloody hell if he thought he was going to South Carolina to address this matter knowing that the guy they were looking for was right here in the London area, but just could not get a heads up on his hereabouts! I told Mick to let me talk to Clyde an see if something else had come up considering that issue, since that should be taking care of by the FBI & not INTERPOL, even though they had said once it reached overseas they would stand in!

As I reached for my phone it started ringing I looked at the ID to see CLYDE EASTER's number appear without formal greeting I said I was just calling you we need to discuss this case since it appears I am the one who signs off whether my team addresses things outside of this agency (especially things in the US…considering this involves the BAU not INTERPOL). The voice on the other end said I am sure you are but there is no need for that now since we have arrived, we only need to just coincide our teams together to catch this guy! I was hoping like no tomorrow my ears where playing tricks on me or my headache had turned into amnesia…but I could of swore DEREK MORGAN was on the line…. (that is when I looked down at my messages to see that BAU will arrive in LONDON this morning meeting here promptly after going through customs)….with a bit of hesitation in my voice I asked him when he wanted to meet with my team? He said they were about 10 minutes out & would appreciate whatever assistance that was offered, I told him of course through gritted teeth.

Mick I guess sensed my discomfort level in this phone conversation, knowing that whoever it was which definitely was not Easter making him even more leery of asking me what now? I told him to gather the team together since the BAU where on their way to discuss what to do next and would be here anytime!

I took a deep breath after Mick shut my door, knowing I had been over zealous to think that this would be a less stressful day was I guess asking for too much. I thought maybe if I stayed locked up here for the remainder of the day or hell even the next century I could avoid him….but oh how wrong I was when a knock on my door suggesting I should even respond….! To my surprise it was just JJ & Garcia….the shrieks of happiness to see them given on both sides seemed to stop everyone passing by just immediately outside my door….but was soon dismissed when I turned around to see no other than that DEMON himself!

I did not think it was possible that in less than one year's time a man could change so much, but not for the worse! God how he still took my breath away….Garcia kind of pushed me towards him when she let me go out of our hug, knowing that I had no other place to move to considering the limited space between us and the door! We gave each other a slight hug then parted ways just as quickly before the girls said they needed to get back to set everything up for her team…..Derek & I just looked at each other for a moment, I was opening my mouth to tell him that my team & resources where at their disposal! When Mick came in pulled me to the side whispering in my ear I gave a slight grin while he had backed away removing his hand from the small of my back and then was back out the door in a flash. Derek gave me an all knowing look as I recomposed myself to finish addressing him, but before I could say a word he said I guess I see who's been "Making A Memory"!

THE END


	4. Love Her

Chapter 4

I HAVE NOT DECIDED IF THIS WILL BE THE LAST ONE-SHOT BEFORE I BLOW INTO A SERIES OF LONG CHAPTERS OR POSSIBLY ONE MORE AFTER THIS….I REALLY WANT TO SET A BASIS FOR THE STORY LINE….BUT I AM FEELING THE PRESSURE THAT I WANT TO PLEASE THE READERS MORE! AS ALWAYS I DO NOT OWN CRIMINAL MINDS OR ITS CHARACTERS!

THIS TAKES PLACE ABOUT A MONTH AFTER "MAKING A MEMORY"…HOPE YOU ENJOY

LOVE HER

I had made a vow to myself not to drink anymore unless it was a casual one with friends or toasting to an event. So far I had done pretty well considering I had only partaking of 1 bottle of wine since that weekend about a month ago when I choose to go off the deep end and plaster through a whole case. You would think after my extensive hiatus during being dead with the medical staff repeatedly telling me that drinking and diet changes where very important that I would listen! HA…fuck them all I was EMILY PRENTISS ghost that was not even alive…..but now who was I? Sure I am alive now, but who had I become?

A foolish person once said: To Love Her is To Know Her! Well he sure as hell had a funny way of showing it. I knew he loved me regardless of him ever saying those words to me, but then again one could say he never showed me so how do you know that he loved you? I would have cantered back, because I love him…..wait a minute did I just say that out loud? Why did I just look around in my own home to see if anyone heard me beats me, considering God knows these walls cannot speak!

THREE WEEKS AFTER BAU ARRIVED

It was late Monday afternoon and the case of HOPKINS/WARDLAW was officially finally coming to an almost stand still this unsub had not only stumped 2 international agency along with local law enforcement, but had also escalated to killing 4 more women & 2 more missing. I had been filling the strain from political propaganda's for 3 days now after the 4th body had appeared making me wish maybe I had definitely chose another career path.

Not only feeling the pressure from the brass I was feeling the disappointment from my team as well from the BAU, Hotch had seemed to live in my office or the conference space provided for the team to work in. Sometimes it felt like old times having my old team surrounding me, except for one thing Derek had not even spoken 2 words out of context to me unless need be for case purposes. How can 2 people who were so closely inseparable now seem like visitors from other realms!

I told Hotch that I was giving my team off the rest of the evening since they had worked non-stop since they had arrived, he agreed that he had thought the same thing, considering in the time-line of things they probably had at least 2 more days before he would either strike again or kill one of the 2 missing now.

By the time I had glanced at my watch it was already a little after 6pm, knowing I needed to head out since I had not left since Thursday morning and I was ready for a soak in my tub, instead of a quick shower from the downstairs locker rooms. When a light knock come on my office door, I said for the unknown visitor to come in not really surprised when I saw that it was Mick with a big smile wanting to know if I wanted to grab a bite to eat I just chuckled…saying you know me all too well! He told me he knew I was under a lot of pressure on this case, knowing that I wouldn't leave until we solved this, but also knew how much I usually forgot to eat when I was highly stressed. I told him I needed to head home and unwind so I would have to pass, which I should have known would not suffice him what so ever. He said he would be over in an hour with Chinese & a few case files that he needed to go over with me to tie up loose ends from on-going cases. I agreed knowing I would only have gone home partaking of a hefty glass of something hard considering how this week had already gone.

(I guess I never realized after a whole year how close Mick & I had become….he definitely took the place of my sounding board I had with my BAU family, but still I knew Mick was too far out there for me to ever feel completely safe if I were to ever have to be in the field again with him! He proved to me on the case in San Francisco a few years ago when we both where still with the BAU he would never let anything happen to me, but he also proved he was a lone gun…..something that always unnerved me because in another life or another time we would have been perfect for each other.)

I guess I should have known the real reason why Mick wanted to come over was that Vanessa his girlfriend had been staying at my loft since Saturday evening after their little argument about her taking an assignment that was going to take her away for 4 months to Canada. Mick was always insecure of their relationship thinking she was going to leave him…..even though he tried to never let that show…But who was I to get in the way of their love life, considering mine was non-existent!

By the time I had made it home Mick was already there snuggled up to Vanessa on the balcony, I decided that was my clear all to go and enjoy my large jetted tub and a glass of scotch that Rossi just happened to bring me. When he snuck in my office last Wednesday with that little fatherly grin he does, saying Bella Mia I have missed you so and our conversations. I had a heavy feeling in my chest knowing that he still felt the hurt from me leaving I couldn't refuse to jump up and just wrap my arms around him, but before I could get into his arms he said whoa I think we should toast to old and new times 1st. I looked at him strangely when he handed me that silken bag, which I should have known what it pertained, none other than his personal stash of imperial scotch. I glee'd with excitement knowing how he only shared this with a certain few people, and that I was ever so honored.

(Coming in from the balcony Mick was saying his goodbyes to Vanessa, standing in the door way telling her how much he loved her & couldn't wait to see her at work in the morning kissing her ever so passionately. At the same time standing around the corner in the corridor from the elevator was watching another man on a mission seeing Mick Rawson saying & doing all the things to his woman that he should be doing instead of spying around a corner as the other man, but wait….wouldn't you have to be involved to be the other man? Unannounced to Derek all he could see was that long raven haired woman not knowing she was really Vanessa and not the object of his affection!)

I heard the door shut downstairs so knew I was in the clear to head to the kitchen to grab something to eat quickly and then head back to bed, as I strolled through the open space between the stairs and the kitchen area Vanessa whistled hey hot stuff…..I hope you are not wearing that for me….I just laughed saying it's nice to feel free once in a while….Vanessa said yeah but a black fitted silk slip revealing oh so much, to only go to bed alone in? I knew she was right, but considering since I had moved here I usually slept in the nude expressing my acceptance to the European ways…..! I could see why Mick loved her, she was exactly like him speaking his mind never thinking about what they had just said!

By the time I had turned around from the kitchen Vanessa had already vanished, meaning she was already in the spare room chatting with Mick. I headed to the front foyer area to switch off all the lights when I saw Micks gun and credentials laying on the hallway table, going to grab them to put them in the safe I heard a knock at the door, thinking it was Mick I said you crazy man that's why we work so well together you'd forget your head if it wasn't attached! But to my utter shock as I looked into those piercingly brown eyes, my face must have showed the pure shock on it seeing him standing their looking like he was going to kill someone. Before I could compose myself, he had already looked me up and down seeing my attire; my chest rising ever so heavily from trying to maintain composure, his gaze seemed to loom over every little inch of my body, making me start to hold my breath at the anticipation of what was happening. My mind started having racing thoughts of him, those wondering eyes and what he was thinking behind those fierce eyes of his, I was imagining it was slamming me up against this door having his way with me, but the next thing that happened completely floored me!

(Derek did not know what possessed him to stand there and watch the two of them hugging/kissing hearing Mick saying I love you….considering he was the one that loved her! What he did next was almost like a robots movements that are so mechanical after seeing Mick leave her loft, he had been standing there for almost what seemed like an eternity, but was actually 10 minutes looking at that door. It was calling to him….just drawing him closer, as he knocked on it he thought he had went MAD, what was he hoping to accomplish he already had his proof! She had moved on, but he kept saying she never said I love you to him in the doorway, maybe there was hope! When the door opened…seeing her in all her essence of practically nothing his face took on that of a scorned man out for blood! God he thought how he wanted to just go all primal on her pouncing like a leopard would its own prey, eyeing every aspect of her perfectly sculpted body, her creamy silken skin, her lusciously formed breast that craved his attention, to imagining what was underneath that fitted peril of luster that outlined her ever so perfectly, right down to those long shapely legs he had always wanted to be wrapped around him! )

Before I could say anything his eyes glimmered with lust I knew that was what it was, I had seen him look at me with those same eyes a year ago, along with several other times just thinking he was going to make his move…..but was brought back to reality when he said: "I see it's true you have moved on, & just like that before I could say a single word of protest he had turned walking away towards the elevator. I was dumb founded, I had no clue what he was talking about, when the elevator door opened Mick came running out looking at Derek giving him a gracious nod, Derek turned around to Mick saying if you "LOVE HER" don't hurt her or that will be the end of you! Derek simply turned on his heel quickly to the opened elevator & that was the last time I saw him…


	5. My Almost Lover

MY ALMOST LOVER

As I made my way out of the elevator in the center of what seemed like a chaotic mess of agents, files, and what was obviously the sight of two grown men taking swings at each other. I think it was then I realized I was moving in slow motion looking at the bloody mess that was displaying itself in front of me, with other agents trying to break up the two men, as I felt a myself being pushed out of the way seeing what looked like just a blue blur & a bunch of yelling men trying to break up the fight! As I approached closer I could tell that the bloody accosters must have been the latest of many of suspects we had brought in for a line up or something entirely different. What I did know for certain the two men managing to untangle the bloody mess was Mick Rawson & Derek Morgan, but before either of them couldn't really get them under control before they had both gotten banged up themselves as well.

I managed to make my way to my office to unload my things before returning down the hall to assess the damage and make sure everyone was alright, along with hoping to see him. It had been 9 days since he had left her doorway leaving her completely lost and confused! I had stewed my ever loving mind trying to figure out what he was meaning when he said "I see you have moved on"….what had I moved on from, God knows it was not him. I saw how he looked at me, how those eyes seemed to pierce my very being, I thought that night was going to end so differently just by those brief few moments. Oh, but how wrong I was…..once again my almost lover had walked away from me with such hurt in his eyes, making me wish I was still that damned ghost from not so long ago!

Amongst the chaos I seemed to have been foolishly thinking I could speak to him, but he had somehow disappeared from me once again! I ran into JJ while I asked her were the others where she pointed up to the conference room, I made my way up to the conference waiting room to see if I saw him there, but I was pulled back behind an opened door in the other direction. Before I could turn to see who had encompassed me I felt myself being turned around like a ragdoll only to be brought face to face with those fiercely penetrating eyes that had looked at me the same way every time he left me. My breath seemed to be caught up in some whirlwind of disbelief and want for this man to do whatever he desired to me, I was at his complete mercy. (I could see the slight cut above his left brow he had acquired during that little altercation, along with the faintness of bruises appearing around those beautiful warm chocolate eyes. I wanted to run my fingers tenderly over his face and kiss away every single grimace that appeared.) But what I had imagined saying & doing to him definitely did not proceed that way at all, what I could only get out was that you are hurting me & to let me go. He let loose of that death grip I do not belief he realized he had on me, but before I could make another move to say to him I wanted an explanation for the other night, but before I could say it he had done started walking away. I grabbed the only thing I could reach which was the back of his shirt to stop him before he could leave me in the wind again, as he slightly turned to look at me I said "for God sakes Morgan what the hell do you want from me"….he just looked at me with the one of the most bewildered looks simply saying "YOU". I hesitated making sure I had really heard what he had just said, but he turned away from me again walking to the doorway once more…I screamed for him to "STOP RUNNING FROM ME", he just stood there with his back still to me, but I guess I did not realize how loud I had screamed when Mick, Hotch, & Rossi all appeared in the doorway with guns aimed at the potential threat….Derek chuckled seeing these 3 in the door way & just turned slightly enough that I could hear him mumble out the words….."I should have known he would run to save you"….. The 3 men just looked at each other as he passed by looking at me like I had the answer I just shook my head rushing out of the room.

Half way back to my office I kept hearing a female voice saying my name with the clanking shuffle of heels to the floor…..all I wanted to do was get to my office shut the door and scream…"TO HELL WITH THAT DAMNED MAN"…..but my nagging follower had other intentions I sat at my desk with what possibly could have been the most tyrant face I could have ever made, so when I looked up at the breathless Garcia putting up one finger for me to give her a moment that's when I could not hold my tears back any longer.


	6. My Almost Lover

Why can I not just walk away from that woman….she wears worse on me then any addiction could possibly be! I love her so much, but then again I am so tormented by her. Does she not see how much I want her, even need her, I crave her…..but she has to go off & be with that damned BRIT Mick! What the fuck does he have that I have not shown her…..oh wait I guess it should have thought of it before now, same thing that fucking Doyle had….it's that damned foreign mystic! Fuck I should have known it all makes since now….that's why she had to rush back here to this God forsaken country.

I couldn't keep from shaking my head walking out of that room….she really didn't get it, was I not clear enough on my feelings & intentions towards her? Every time I try to tell her, even show her she pushes me away. Maybe I am just a fool, maybe I have miss-read everything, maybe my want for her has blinded me into thinking she loved & wanted me as well. That explains it all…..but she still torchers my very soul into this frenzy of madness!

I need to figure out how to get through this case, & not have to interact with her or him as least as possible. You can do this Morgan….you've went this long without her, you can forget about her!

A FEW DAYS LATER…..Hey Morgan can we talk, Mick interrupts Morgan's train of thought going over the victim board in front of him! What the hell does he want, so much for me ignoring this whole situation? Yeah man, any new breaks in the case, I ask….Mick says no, but I think we need to speak in private, I give him a stern glare trying to figure out his game…..I do not need him telling me to stay away from his woman…..did I just say that his woman? (Please if you are up there listening right now GOD give me the strength to hold my tongue and not do anything I will regret!) I followed Mick into the very room I had just a few days ago made my vow in to walk away from, as soon as I walked through the door I could still see her & hear her words as if she had never left….(Mick just looks at Morgan wondering off into deep thought, thinking man he's got it bad!) I could hear the Brit speaking but his words where just a constant infraction to my wondering thoughts, I did not want to hear about him and her, I couldn't hear it, I wouldn't hear it, I turned to walk away, but he grabbed my arm, & that was all it took! Before I knew it I was swinging mid-air, but he dodged my punch, turning on me grab my other arm pressing me up against the wall…what the hell he might have been smaller framed then I but he could definitely hold his own I will give him that….no wonder she was even more drawn to him. (I guess I should of seen it he had saved her life on numerous occasions which I am ever grateful for, but so had I more than I care to count…..except for ONCE I let her die, I think I truly lost her then & never knew how to get her back) Mick with the most strain in his voice said you need to get a grip man….your losing it, you cannot let a woman get under your skin like this or you're going to get yourself killed or her one! I felt him slowly letting loose of me turning ever so slightly to look at his cold mysterious eyes….I said & how would you know anything about what I am feeling! With that horrible accented chuckle he gave me, ultimately making my fist ball up once again, he backed up ever so slightly glancing down then back to what must have been my tell all….he said man you are so totally enamored by that woman that you permeate from it! I just stood there waiting for him to go on, but he just shook his head, what the fuck did he want, was he going to tell me stay away from her, be a jealous boyfriend? What he said next I think never really sunk in until after he had walked out the door laughing at me!

 

TWO DAYS LATER ON A WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON FLYING OVER WASHINGTON DC!….

I was trying to keep my thoughts to a minimum while I was slowly drowning my urge to pick up my cell & just call him, knowing that this was really a conversation the two of us needed to have in private. Garcia's words had completely floored me (Emily was pondering everything Garcia had told here a few days ago in her office about she had no clue she and Mick were an item! Emily corrected her immediately slowly realizing that is why Derek had been acting the way he was ever since that first evening in her office since the BAU had arrived…that explained his reaction at her doorway that night Mick had come to see Vanessa, & finally his reaction in the conference office a few days before. That crazy jealous man had it all wrong, & it was terrorizing her knowing that they could have been enjoying each other for the past month if only he would of quit being so bullheaded and just asked her outright…..but then again she guessed that was why he has always been her almost lover!) Along with him telling me all he wanted was me. As I downed my 8TH glass of scotch it burned at the pit of my empty stomach, thank goodness I was on a private flight to the states knowing if anyone from work had seen me this distraught pitying myself, it would definitively lead to an intervention!

I overheard the pilot saying we would be landing in 20 minutes, so I needed to situate myself accordingly to prep for landing. (One of the many perks of working for INTERPOL, private flights) I kind of chuckled to myself thinking I should have not agreed to fly back to take care of business so quickly before speaking to Derek, but I knew he was dealing with his on turmoil over the case & hopefully over me…..but then again I was hoping the last part was not interfering with the first part! The mere thought that he really suspected I was with Mick almost makes me want to choke that man….really I thought we had settled this discussion years ago in San Francisco when Derek showed his green-eyed monster then over Mick! Mick had become a great friend, but was more like an aggravating cousin who never knows when to leave well enough alone.

I guess when I stood to walk towards the stairs out of the plane I did not realize that 9th glass of scotch was 9 to many…..thank goodness a car was waiting for me as I exited the plane, however I did not expect the company inside the car to be none other than my own mother, given a slight turn of my jaw as I ran my teeth over my lower lip licking at what little savory taste of scotch that had been left made me wish I had just stayed in London. My mother nodded her head at me as I seemed to capture what little breath I could sitting down beside her, my mother chuckling at me saying I guess you took after your father by the way you smell of aged scotch & that wide-eyed doe look you gave me! I was flabbergasted…..what could I say, but maybe so!

(Elizabeth Prentiss was more apt to become a better mother figure to Emily, but for the moment the pure simple factor that she seemed to be following more in her father's footsteps infuriated the Ambassador more so than anything) Emily I did not mean to interfere with your time here in the states, but I knew this was the only way to have a moment alone with you before anything happened that I would regret! I looked at my mother trying to read something in her eyes, but she had several years on me with the whole static face of never revealing anything unless it was warranted….I slowly asked as tactfully as I was able to considering I was working on a terrible headache that seemed to only multiple by every sound and move I seemed to make….if it were not for these tinted windows & shades that I seemed to finally reprise out of my bag so she could not see the torment in my eyes. I finally got the words out "WHAT DO YOU WANT MOTHER"…but apparently those where not the correct words, because just like a child my mother gripped my face pulling off my shades turning my aching head to look straight into her eyes, and then I saw it "FEAR"…..something I do believe I have never ever seen in all my 43 years of living! Could it be possible that she was more human than I ever thought…could there actually be something that scared ELIZABETH PRENTISS this badly that she needed to almost rip my face off to worn me?

I guess she realized she had my attention when she saw the tears starting to run down the sides of my cheeks, letting me go she finally let a long breath go that I think she had not realized she was holding in to just turn and look out at the passing scenery as we headed into DC. I said…."I was Sorry"….but in my mind I didn't really know what for! She turned back looking at me sighing with what could possibly be the most worried look on her face saying Emily it's TIME! Just by those words alone my world just stopped I couldn't breathe, I couldn't even think….I had wished to God I was never going to hear those words ever spoken, but somehow I should of known when that call came to my attention yesterday morning!

 

TUESDAY BEFORE FLYING OUT TO D.C. AT INTERPOL…..

I had made my mind up this morning that before the day was out I would be in DEREK MORGAN's arm's one way or the other, after clarifying some very inconspicuous facts needing to be corrected! Even now as I think about it I cannot help but laugh!

I thought that this day was going so well….so far I had a smooth ride in no traffic although I was running late, I had already had 2 cups of latte's with a toasted bagel, after arriving at the office I for once had not walked into a mess or fighting, I had signed off on about 6 reports while starting another, so by the time I was about ready for lunch (2pm in the afternoon in London) I should of known something would come up. When I looked at the caller ID while the phone was ringing my heart raced ever so slightly looking at that number, then I thought this is about the case and when the two agencies' where going to wrap this up. So with the most pleasant of voice's I said: Director Emily Prentiss "how can I help you"…..the voice on the other line was one I was quite familiar with unfortunately! Director this is Senator Cramer from the States Department, I hope I have not caught you at a bad time, but I need to discuss some matters that have been brought to my attention, about the chain of command….. (I had a little apprehension that maybe this could be still about the case, but was leaning towards this was about Chief Section Officer Strauss' s untimely death and refilling her position. It had been almost 5 months since she had passed & I knew the position had not been filled, hence that was why Hotch had been acting Officer while Morgan had been filling Hotch's shoes as well up until they had come to London almost a month ago.) My apprehension I guess had shown in my hesitant breath I had given to Senator Cramer, I managed to speak finally saying no Senator I always have time for you! The Senator said please do not flatter me Miss Prentiss…..I gave a faint laugh, sighing to say what can I do for you!

The ending of our conversation had ensured I would be on a plane within the next 24 hours to D.C. for a meeting with the Heads of Senate, FBI, & Interpol Directors in Washington as well for a council meeting on filling the position which needed addressing immediately. The thought had crossed my mind that maybe I was in for running for this position, but also wondered why the job was not officially given to Hotch or hell even Rossi….given the recent political agenda's going on in the U.S. in reference to political reforms that I assumed was not going to go very lightly, considering the Commander in Chief in office with his uproar in foreign affairs as well as government/agencies worldwide being scrutinized for faulty scams and handling of military affairs! I could not help but not be utterly disgusted now that I would have to put off my conversation to Derek till I had returned back, or hoped that they would wrapped the case up before I left the states & I could speak to him here during his downtime, which then could possibly lead to him being my lover instead of my "Almost Lover"….AWE just the thought of him sent chills down my spine!

WEDNESDAY ON THE RIDE TO D.C. WITH HER MOTHER….

My total & utter shock I am sure was on my face as my mother had said "IT's TIME"…..I think almost gave me a heartache, knowing that the words she was about to say could not have come at any more of a worse time for me personally & professionally considering how tomorrow's meeting went with the powers that be went.

(As I watched the D.C. skyline come into view my thoughts raced backed to that night spread out on that warehouse floor with Derek begging me to not let go….to just hold on….he kept telling me how proud he was of me & that he loved me! YES I did know he loved me but it was a little too late since I was dying in his hands as everything started fading. I could tell my mother was talking to me but I kept reeling in my mind those memories of my death & rebirth….what a hell of a time too have to think about this, I was in no position nor place to in my life to give up everything again. I guess my mother had realized I was not paying attention to her discussion and she pulled at my arm to get my focus back.) She said Emily do you not realize the opportunity you have here to further advance your career…I just looked at her funny what has she talking about how was this going to further my career, if anything it was going to hinder it if everything came crashing down like it was apparently going to after everything came to light! I snapped back at her wanting to know how the hell this torment was going to help my future! Elizabeth just looked at her daughter with the most shocked face, almost laughing…..she told her Emily dear I am not speaking of that time by no means, that has been taken care of with the utmost care…..My thoughts wondered off again trying to blur all of those events that took place over those long excruciating months of my so called "DEATH"! EMILY…. EMILY….EMILY….listen to me instead of wondering off, you need to focus on tomorrow's meeting so that you get either of those 2 positions being offered….I quickly turned to look at my mother asking how do you know about that and what do you mean 2 positions? I was only aware of the Section Chief's position mother, and if we are not speaking of what I was thinking then why or how are these so called 2 position's going to advance my career? Well Emily as you can see I am not getting any younger & I will be handing my reins over in the next year, but your part in this is to get you back state side for the time being…..with you being over sea's & being considered a representative of the states in your position, it would benefit you to either take over the Washington Interpol office or Section Chief for the time being, until I leave my post within the next year or two! I say wait …wait a minute the Washington Director's position for Interpol is not open, or are you going to tell me something I probably should not even know?

By the time we had reached the Four Season's my mother looked at me wondering why I was not staying at her penthouse, since that is what I usually did if I had come back to the states for short visits….I started to speak, but she said this is just as well so it does not look conspicuous considering I am in town conveniently at the same time! I just chuckled as I started my exit out of the car my cell started ringing I dug through my bag as quickly as I could thinking here is my escape from my mother, but the ringing ceased as soon as I found it in my side pocket of my carry-on, looking at the missed call brought a pure smile to my face making my heart almost skip a beat…this phone call would most definitely be returned as soon as I walked got to my room!

 

THURSDAY MIDDAY AT QUANTICO, VA….

I took a long drag off my cigarette I had just lit only to be interrupted by the voice behind me asking me if he could join me….Senator Cramer I am sorry I didn't see you there, "I just needed a break from the stuffiness from all that bullshit those suck-ups are trying to feed me!" Had he just said that to me, I didn't know rather to laugh or just nod! I took another drag regained my thought saying I assume you hear this a lot in your position concerning these matters? He took a second look at me frankly while taking a long drag on his cigar which reminded me of Rossi for some reason….he finally spoke up asking me why I had declined either of the positions, that he thought a move back to the states was ideal for my career & also for personal life! I really didn't know what to make of his upfront jester he was making, but secretly I had discovered my mother's informant…..with as little sass as I could muster I told him although the offer is very gracious at this point & time I thought it would be better for myself and my team if I did not abandon them for my own selfishness! His discern look made me kind of uneasy, but I continued by saying I assume I should make my way back in before I get summoned…..as I walked by he grabbed my arm leaning ever so lightly towards me to say: I am telling you that you need to reconsider our offer, but I cannot say I understand why you are not, considering matters of undisclosed documents, along with things landing in the hands of the wrong people! I shook free of his grasp walking as fast as I could not wanting to glance back, although I could not help but glance slightly as I turned the corner seeing his eyes where still upon me! SHIT…SHIT…SHIT…I kept saying under my breath I knew this was too good to be true, not looking where I was going while I was wrapped up in my own inner battle I ran into Clyde Easter, even though I had managed to stay clear of him all morning he gave me a look of a man who had just won a prize! He was shaking his head saying I knew you loved me way more then you ever admitted; I glared like the devil at him before he could finish the words about to come out of his mouth! He was the reason I was in this whole fucking mess from the beginning…well I am partly to blame…but if it were not for him and his incisive need to put me in that whole damned DOYLE nightmare!

I had made my way back to the conference room hoping to goodness that I could be dismissed since I had declined the offers to reside in my current position, when I had managed to make myself comfortable & slightly scanning the room for any sights of an ending to this chaos of boring political debates or should a say parade of "ass-kissers" to put it more lightly…..ultimately 3 hours and 18 minutes later I found my way out to my rental in search of the nearest bar! Lord if this is what the states where doing to me in less than 24hours then it is a good thing I chose to keep my post…. (Between going through a whole pack of cigs, a whole bottle of scotch, & now 4 shots of tequila in less than 24 hours of arriving in the states) finding out later while I realized I was in no shape or fashion going to be able to drive I called for a cab. As soon as I had told the cabby where too I had noticed that my cell had a flashing light, "OH SHIT"…..I had turned the volume off this morning & had forgotten to turn it back on, as I looked I saw I had 22 missed messages. Scrolling through the missed calls I saw not a single one was from Derek, that they were mostly from Vanessa, 2 from my mother, 4 from Mick & 1 from Garcia….I would be lying if I didn't feel a little crushed that there was not one from him!

I paid the cabby, making my way to my room, as soon as I closed the door I chucked my heels, stripped myself down to nothing but my undies & black fitted slip heading straight for the wet-bar (Perks of a penthouse room) poured myself a glass of gin without thinking just turned it up like no tomorrow…..God what have I gotten myself into…..what was I thinking by sending him that message…I guess the only sane thing I had done was chosen to stay in London! I poured myself another glass while just grabbing the remainder of the bottle, I walked slowly towards the en-suite master-bath looked at the jetted tub then looked at the stand alone walk in shower surrounded in mosaic tile knowing that I could keep myself from drowning by just sitting in there, instead of soaking!

What the hell was that dreadful noise, I swatted at the offensive noise only to realize it was my cell alerting me to a message…I managed to stretch my unclothed body to reach for the offending noise maker to see it was 1:36pm the next day….holy shit I had slept half the fucking day away…..! I swiped the security bar over to see who had left a message seeing DEREK MORGAN's number I hesitated before opening the message….why had he waited a day & a half to respond? (When I had returned his phone call Wednesday night after listening to his message saying "Hey Beautiful I guess I have been a damned fool, we need to talk as soon as possible….I hope to see you soon, I will be by when Hotch relieves us for the evening"…When I had returned his phone call I only got his voicemail, so I said: "Hey Derek, I agree we most definitely need to talk, however I will be out of town for business until the weekend, but hopefully we could find the time then to discuss everything in private….I hope to see you soon as always"….I knew telling him what my reasons where for being out of town could only cause false hope or ruin things….however at the time I definitely had no idea what was really about to take place except for a few hunches)…..!

As I opened the message I was trying to focus on the words I was reading…not really sure I saw what I was reading or not! I was hoping this was a simple misunderstanding or maybe just not his full message…..but it simply read: I SEE YOU HAVE DECIDED OUR FUTURE WITHOUT ANY DISCUSSION, D….

 

CHAPTER 6

SPRING & SUMMER 2011….. (DOYLE, PARIS, & THE DEATH OF ME)

I am begging you Ian please don't do this, I can be Lauren again if you want me to be, but please don't make me do this right now….."My Love You Took Any & Everything that EVER MATTER TO ME"…his words reverberated across my mind I wanted to just make him stop but I wouldn't tell him were Declan was. I couldn't give him up, because that would only mean I would have to give up one of my greatest secrets I had kept for 6 long excruciating years, I knew I had made the right choice at the time, but sometimes….just sometimes at moments like these is when I wish I had killed him all those years ago!

As I took my beating all I could do was think how did I ever let myself fall in love with this man….God how sick in the head I'm I? If the truth to be known I still love him, I cannot even explain…..his touch sends scorching flames through my entire body driving me out of my mind. But not the kind of flames he used to send by his touch, how can I think of that at a time like this?

"Let Me Go…Please just Let Me Go, Morgan"…This wonderful man begging me to stay with him, who I know loves me & if I admit it to I love him more than I ever realized, who would stop the world for me if he could! I cannot hold on anymore, like he wants me to I cannot live through the lies anymore…..I have laid all my truths that I could possibly allow without harming anyone else upon the table. As I feel the cold darkness surrounding me, my eyes so heavy from my own oblivious pain I have caused destroying everyone around me!

When I woke up I felt as though I was in some whitewashed medical hell…..within a matter of 24 hours of coming to the realization I was not dead, I was unable to barely move, I was told I would have to go through at least 3 more surgeries before being done, & Oh the biggie "EMILY PRENTISS IS DEAD"….to find I was a Jane Doe was to put it mildly! To find you need someone, that you need to call someone, that you need that warmth to comfort you, but all there is are these walls you surrounded your life with of lies! What I had tried to be forever "ALL ALONE"…..well hell now I was beyond all alone! I had never in all my life just wanted to go home & be embraced by someone…mainly that someone who not 2 months ago begged me to live! "I've fallen through…..you were the one hurting, but I was the one needing saved!" Why could I have not said that to him when he asked?

I knew that my family or shall I say my team now knew more about me than I could have ever imagined telling them to their faces, oh what they must think…..when JJ had brought me my documentation less than a month ago, she said everyone was coping, not well…but they were coping. Those last 4 months I spent in Europe should have been a lesson learning time, considering that I never knew if I would ever be able to come back, but in truth I did not learn. Here I was again playing Miss CIA agent again tracking Doyle, as best as I could following the paper trail or shall I say the money trail! Even though my mother knew I was alive she had tried to help as much as she could without contact, however not knowing at the time her helper would ultimately be the one trying to end my demise, along with trying to bring down the BAU as well. This same man that would end me, also kept one of my greatest secrets to hold over my head at any given time….. (Senator Cramer I do believe was the devil in disguise…although he was just a dirty politician during those years at the pentagon when I had returned back to the states after my undercover stint with the CIA/INTERPOL to bring down Doyle; he was also a blessing in sheep's clothing! For everything he had done along with the strings my mother pulled on tightly across the globe, I still somehow felt as though I was that 15 year old girl again, but the consequences were way greater this time around then before! )

When I had arrived back in D.C. after all those months, all I could think about was Declan's safety not my own…..in some sick universe I knew that Ian knew I was still alive…..we knew each other, we knew how each other thought, we knew each other on a level I had never let any other person know me, & now we knew each must save Declan. In the end my love died holding his sons hand, how would I explain that even more of my lies ended with Declan, how was I going to explain to this beautiful boy that my lying and deceit had put him in this mess! Although the most unnerving aspect of that whole ordeal as I sat on that runway holding Declan was I knew that another chunk of me had just died their…The Love…..The Hate…..The Lies….& this thing I had become!

The team had welcomed me back as much as they could possibly do without crumbling apart, even though I knew they really where never going to trust me again, nor would that worth of the past 5 years of bonding ever really grow strong again…..I had broken them with my lies & now wished even more so that I had died on that warehouse floor! I learned to not look in their eyes, because the hurt as well as the betrayal was there always, no matter how much they masked it…we were profilers we knew each other way to well, but this time I was on the outside looking in! They had moved on rather they had realized it or not, while I was trying to make up for 5 years of lies. So as I do best I retreated slowly at first then I couldn't run fast enough…..so when Clyde's offer came to run INTERPOL I couldn't wait to jump at the opportunity. I knew I would be doing the same thing to them all over again…."I would be leaving….no I would be running like always….I just couldn't grin & bare the pain I contributed to them anymore…..I knew if I withdrew the reason for their suffering then all could go back to as though I was dead again when they were coping & not having to worry what other lies I would bring to their lives.."

The real lie I was running from was the one that had followed me across an ocean and back again several times….I had forged, along with falsified government documents during the whole Doyle investigation before my time at BAU in hopes that this life I was protecting from my lies could be saved to bring forth a new beginning in our life as EMILY not LAUREN!

 

THE WEEKEND…..

Baby Girl…..This is not any of your concern, anything that is going on with Emily is none of my concern, she made it very clear where her heart lies when she turned those positions down to stay in this God forsaken country! "Dammit Derek….would you just listen to me!" ….I think by what my sources say & something that I accidently came across earlier that Emily is only doing this to protect someone or something…..Senator Cramer is involved which is only hindering my search on this topic! What topic are you friggin' talking about Pen? Well it is pretty much a lot of red tape Pentagon cover botch-up….but just like with her Lauren Reynolds file a lot has been blacked out. However if what I am seeing is correct…OMG DEREK! ON NO PLEASE! What Pen, what are you, please tell me I am not seeing what I think I am seeing? Please tell me that is just a picture of Emily as a child? Sweetie I wish I could but with those cerulean blues are something I cannot even change, I think we just uncovered a whole other side …..but Derek this could be just a mistake…No that is not a fucking mistake…..That is definitely, yeah I guess that is definitely…damn…OH GOD Pen! Derek you have to talk to her, this explains so much more, it explains why she fell even more apart after Doyle died, maybe that is why she came back here…maybe she wanted to be reunited or just have her baby girl with her without more explaining or cover-up of more political/CIA lies she has had to live with! Pen' even if I knew I could fix this I do not think she will speak to me…..after her last message that verified her true feelings! And what message would that be? Pen' I text her telling her "I see you have decided our future without any discussion"….I think I sealed our fate! How did she respond to this….What did she say? "basically that everything she had done has been to save everyone else, & that if I truly wanted her like I say I do that I would grow the FUCK UP & quit hiding behind whatever the hell I am afraid of…..she ended it by saying I know I have been very guilty of the very same damned thing, but that I haven't even giving her a chance to explain….she paused with a few sighs then said that she is done, she cannot do this anymore, she has nothing left nor care anymore to do this torrid fucking dance we have been doing the past 6 years!" Oh Derek, I don't even know what to say….but in all honesty you need to get your mocha ass over their as soon as possible to sort this out regardless of how it ends! I know, but she said she wouldn't be back from the states until sometime next week! Oh but my snookums' she arrived on Friday night, she didn't take a private jet back…JJ said when she went by yesterday during the middle of the day, that Emily was more out of it than she had ever seen her in all our girls nights out combined!

THE NEXT WEEK…DEREK'S POV to ROSSI

(Lord so much had happened I needed to speak to someone else besides my Baby Girl….before I spoke to her considering she would answer no messages nor was she even home, come to find out she had come back to this side of the pond but she was nowhere to be found. All I could get out of Vanessa was that she had flown in Friday night & left sometime around Saturday evening saying she would be back in the office next weekend to sign everything off from the past 2 weeks cases/reports. In the mean time we had finally apprehended our un-sub's after the longest month & a half case I had ever been on. We were due to fly back Friday morning, but all I could think about was I needed to see her….I needed to explain myself as well as hear her out, hoping to God it was not too late! )

Rossi, I just cannot willingly get on that plane this morning, not without seeing her! Derek you two definitely made a mess of things, but maybe she is trying to make things easier by not being here, letting you know she maybe never really wanted this or is going to let this happen! Rossi man, why would you say that you have been the one encouraging me this whole time…..you have been the one who's called us out on this whatever this is all these years! Derek I know but sometimes you have to know when to call it quits, she came back here for another reason, & clearly whatever that reason was she didn't plan on you being involved anymore. I really thought after JJ's & Will's wedding you 2 had figured everything out, God I had hoped so, damn all of us had hoped so…..that was the happiest I had ever seen you 2 ever! I know man, but I didn't want to scare her or push her anymore, when we got to her condo the next morning after spending the best night of my life just getting to hold her….touch her….even though it was not sexual at all…just sensual…..just heartfelt…. It was all I could do to let her go that morning….we both wanted this to be more but content in just strolling around D.C without a care in the world…..just wrapped up in each other, I kissed her goodbye, telling her I wanted to take her to dinner that night, so we could talk some more, but she said she had to go to her mother's for a dinner & asked for a rain-check…what could I say but sure!

Well Derek let me make some phone calls, we have some off time due & maybe I can figure something out for you…..all I am going to say is you will owe me if I can pull this off! Rossi man you do not have to do this…I can figure this out! No Hotch will need some coaxing, but he will understand, & Garcia has a little birdie that says she can get you a place to stay to make sure you know when she is back, along with making sure she cannot run!...What…what are you talking about? Done, you have 8 days before you have to be back, & you will be staying at Emily's loft…..Vanessa has you a key, along with making sure you have a place to stay if your life gets threatened by the only woman I know that can kick your ass! (With a slight chuckle & grin) Rossi, are you trying to get me killed or arrested….do you know how much that would please Mick Rawson & Clyde Easter to see me behind bars! Hehehehe…oh boy you have so much to learn!

(Little did Derek know more than just the fates where trying to make these two happen, as with so many other times along this dark and ever uneasy path certain people with certain roles had been intricately helping put the puzzle pieces together for this union that even the worst horrors shake the sadness that seem to only loom upon these star crossed lovers…..whether they themselves knew it or not, they had the strength and love to hold on forever! After all isn't that how this started….MY ALMOST LOVER, is never going to just "Let it Be")


	7. Let it be me

LET IT BE 

Derek had been so full of questions that fateful day back in October 2013; he had waited for her to come home all weekend, when finally he was awoken out of a slumber to hear her voice speaking to someone. He froze laying their thinking had she brought someone home, was she speaking to Sergio, or even on the phone….he had felt as if he was an intruder invading all of her wellbeing now, & that this was the worst idea he had ever been talked into. He managed to wait to what sounded like she was in the kitchen before announcing his presence, but as the fates would have always had their way she came springing into the spare room having only the hall light on. He just watched her speechlessly, he could see even in this dimly lit room that she had been crying with the most angst of faces….he wanted to grab her and pull her into the security of his embrace to hush all her worries away. Although he was very unsure of her reaction to his presence when he came up from behind her to wrap his arms around her waist, pulling her ever so tightly into him, he felt her tensing & gasping for her breath. Derek knew her reflexes where somewhat slack considering she had been out of the field, but she still could pack a punch….he leaned ever so lightly into her ear faintly whispering the words from his heart….."I need you, I want you, I love you Princess….Let it be me that gives you everything!"

They stood there in that dimly lit room in silence for some time before either said another word, as she let the tears stream down her face letting him hold her taking in his warmth & letting what he had said thoroughly sink in! Derek was unsure if he should say more, but just held her as her tears slowly but surely seemed to subside into little whimpers, before he decided he needed to turn her to finally face him. Emily, I never meant for things to get this far or nor did I ever want to hurt you…..I have been a stupid foolish man….only looking out for my own greediness as far as you were concerned! But I truly meant everything I just said to you….I need you to be my world….HELL you are my world! She was a little hesitant in her response, not knowing what really to say….except just to cup his face with her hand to wipe away the tears she thought he had been trying to hide….Derek I want to be your world, I want & need you as well, but I cannot play games anymore, I cannot be hurt anymore! Before she could finish Derek leaned in ever so slightly to graze her lips with his ever so gently, he could taste her tears still, & that was a taste he vowed that would break him forever more….he released his tight grip of her to bring both hands to cup her face increasing the touch of their lips, while he pleaded entry to deepen the kiss she gave the most beautiful whimper he had ever heard…..she held his wrist to pull him closer into herself while he fervently explored every aspect of her mouth. He suckled at her lower lip making chastise kisses down towards her neck, moving his grasp to her waist pulling her into his warmth. Emily whispered Derek's name while he relished the taste along her neckline, working his way back to those lush lips to taste her again. He knew he tasted the remnants of a red wine & a cigarette, but regardless he was intoxicated!

Every part of Emily was screaming to pull out of his grasp, but her heart was reverberating through her chest to get closer….God he smelled so heavenly, he tasted like nothing she could possibly imagine, & his touch….well his touch was sending her body into convulsions almost! Dear God if he could do this buy only holding & kissing her….then what the hell could he do during sex! Stop it….Stop it Emily…..OH GOD….this man is going to be the death of me, God I want his touch all over me. She just shuttered even more at all the things that were going through her mind, until she felt him stop, & look into her eyes…..that far away gaze he was giving her now saying come wither…..he was making her a wanton woman….could I possibly ever be able to live again without his touch! I knew he was speaking to me but my mind was trying to grasp this situation, when I finally was somewhat coherent again, he said….Let it be me….Let it be me!

 

When my eyes adjusted to my surroundings I realized I was still in my hotel in Paris, still recovering from the haziness of last night's vivid dreams about Morgan! They had seemed so real, so special, so damn wrong….how could I be having these dreams now about a man who just keeps giving me the cold shoulder or just keeps me tormented….I mean hell look at me I ran away for another week just to avoid him! I knew I needed to get up to arise to the day, since my flight would be leaving within a few short hours back to London. My time here in Paris this time had been short lived but a gracious one for the most part, but I knew I had been putting this trip off this whole time, considering I had not been back since I spent my 7 months as a ghost here!

I knew that my visit would lead me right by the embassy to hence where my beautiful little Bella was…..she reminds me such much of myself at that age of course except for those cerulean blue eyes, which stand out even more so than her brother Declan's, due to her raven colored hair and porcelain skin tone of my attributes, along with all of my features. Although I thank heavens that her mannerisms are more like my own, even if I had not been the one raising her! When Bella was born I never thought I could know such love and hate at the same time, I had vowed once upon a time that if I found myself pregnant again that it would be for keeps! For keeps I did manage, but the remainder has been a whole other series of events.

When I came out of the corridor, Vanessa was waiting for me with a huge smile on her face asking me how my trip was & presumed straight into telling me everything that had happened the past week (Emily had been gone an extra week after returning from the US & her meeting with Senate/FBI/Interpol)…..I told her since it was already mid-day on Saturday that everything could wait till Monday morning! Vanessa just stopped mid-sentence, shaking her head to say I guess you knew then that the BAU had left then, the case wrapped up over a week ago! I just said…I see…..one less thing to worry about especially since I am sure there are a stack of new ones, as well as old ones waiting! Vanessa looked at me speciously then started into what seemed like a bunch of rambling, but managed to get out…"so I guess you and Agent Morgan worked things out"…..I really didn't know what to say, because by now I was the one without words…..I somehow managed to speak, to say that Agent Morgan & myself have nothing to speak about! (Why the hell was she asking me about Morgan…..what had been said, but I guess in some ways I guess that Vanessa & Garcia had plenty of time to get close the month that they were here….but too close if you ask me)!

As Vanessa pulled into the valet area of my residence I asked if she wanted to come up for some tea or maybe chat, but she simply stated that she really needed to get back, since Mick was expecting her back soon! I said my thank you while proceeding to get my bags out of the trunk, when she said the most peculiar thing to me….."Sometimes things happen beyond our own realm of understanding and then sometimes we just need to listen as if a person is saying Let it Be Me!" I shook my head as if to understand what she had just said, then marched my way to my abode for some peaceful relaxation for the remainder of this weekend…..something hit me strangely while I was in the elevator thinking about what she had just said….in my dream last night & hell for the past month every time I had dreamt of Derek he had said those very same few words "Let it Be Me"! I knew I had not told a soul about these dreams nor even used that phrase, oh well I guess I can just chalk it up to coincidence.

I had not managed to get halfway down my hallway of my loft before I stopped in my tracks, that smell, that undeniable smell, it was him, and he had been here, hell he was here. I held my breath for the factor I must still be dreaming! We just stood there looking at each other, almost as if we were frozen in time of some sorts. When I finally managed to take a breath I seemed to force out the words "Let it Be ME"!

 

I could not breath, I could not think, and I most certainly could not have seen myself thrown up against this wall when I proceeding into my entry way! All I can say is this man is completely intoxicating….hell with that he is the devil himself sent here to send me into oblivion! I had not much more gotten that whisper out of my mouth before he went after me like I was prey and he was the lion after his kill….his heat radiated from him like a white hot inferno making me boil from the inside out. His lips…."Oh God" those lips so soft, running feverishly across my own lips taking control of me as if they had always belonged there. In truth that is where I have always wanted them to be…as he found his way down my neckline, nipping and cherishing each well placed kiss, his hands seemed to have death grips upon my waist, I do believe this was the only time I have ever enjoyed being held so tightly! I had managed to gasp a few quick breaths in before I let his name softly release from my swollen lips, when his hands had gripped each side of my skirt hiking it up my thighs, feeling his hands graze my flesh sending tantalizing fever all the way through to my very loins. Each hand cupped my ass cheeks bringing me closer to him, making me instantly feel the hardness of his well-defined form. Before I knew it he had already lifted me up as I wrapped myself around him as to never let go, he forced me back into the wall, holding me with one arm while the other grazed my outer thigh working its way up to my waist, to finally cup my breast, it caught my breath even more making him transcend those feverish lips back to my own with even more force than before while he sought out every aspect with his tongue!

When or how we had managed to make it to my bed I have no clue, it was as if all of this by some chance was such a dream, none unlike I had before & by God if this was a dream I hoped it never ended! His weight was heavy upon me but I did not care I wanted it…I craved it, he had worked the buttons of my blouse like a mad man with his hands seeking my flesh like a wildfire, his lips nipping at my breast making them arise to attention from his exposure. I knew he had seen that un-perfect aspect of my left breast before but this time unlike before instead of disgust he seemed to only trace it ever so slightly with his finger before giving me a glance with those lust filled caramel eyes bringing his lips to mine once again then nipped his way to my ear faintly saying "this mark has never made you his, & I could never mark you, but if you Let it Be Me I want you as mine for Always" ….and once again I could not think….nor breath…..I managed to cup both sides of his face bringing his attention to me, with everything I had in me to say those words I have wanted to say, for what seems like a lifetime I said "I Love You Derek Morgan now and forever"….! (Had I just told him I loved him….Holy Shit, this is really happening….) Of course he flashed me a smile only he could give, returning the exact same words to me only with an added you have made me the happiest man alive woman…..do you know how long I have waited for those words to come from you, I gave a slight laugh saying the feeling is mutual!

As if those words of sentiment were given an extra boost we feverishly had worked at bringing ourselves into a fully unclothed state writhing in an entangled mess upon the sea of my bed he relished every aspect of my body & I his! As he had done before he once again kissed my clover leaf pattern once more working his way down to my eagerness, making the fire in me grow increasingly knowing where he was going and in my anticipation of what he was doing as he slightly grazed his hand over my already glistening center, only before I could even shudder to think about it did I feel those plush lips suckling at my anatomy in a way that I can only describe as a necessary evil, but a wonderful kind of evil! He had already ran his massive hand up my side gently grazing fire across my torso then to my breasts, while in utter anticipation of all of my senses in overload it had sent me into immediate pleasure as he entered his fingers slowly only to speed the rhythm up as I rolled my hips into him. His tongue and mouth worked feverishly at my core lapping up every single aspect of my being, it seemed with every single moan or gasp I whimpered would make him bring out another feeling of absolute pleasure within me. God had I never felt so utterly at a loss of control and I loved it…I craved it….I needed more….as I rolled on the sea of the orgasm I was achieving he slowed his ministrations to let me come off my high, I knew I needed to show him exactly how he had made me feel, but Oh God I couldn't even move if he could do this to me in just this simple way what would his other appendage do to my aching lust filled body!

One thing I was sure of was that Derek Morgan could please a woman regardless of what anyone said….as he slid his massive girth into my wanton loins I thought I was going to levitate off the firmness below me. The only way I can describe it was as if I had been opened up from the inside and every worry, care, thought, pain, and God shall I say lover before him was completely washed away by just this simple move he had made into me, touching me, caressing me, heaven forbid absolutely making love to me. As I bit down on his shoulder from the ecstasy he was displaying upon my very being, hushing the screams of pleasure he had been bestowing on my sex torn body he whispered for me to tell him again & again that I loved him…..but all my energy and all my effort could only say his name barely from the titillating feel going through my ever loving mind from so much intoxication…..if this was what I had been missing out on all of these years, then heavens to be I was never going to leave this space and neither was he, I could die right here at this very moment from utter pleasure and have known what heaven on earth was!

The way his absolutely well sculpted body transformed mine into a lust-filled mess dripping off of every reaction he performed made me realize that my decision just over a week ago was now going to be the death of me! As he grabbed the back of my thigh heaving it higher up so as to entering even deeper into my very soul it seemed I started descending into my….. Hell….. I do not even no how many orgasm's, knowing I could not take another & that he was trying to hold out for my mercy, I whisper to him to cum with me, that I needed to feel his release as well! As to have taken heed to my words he slowed his pace grunting ever so slightly then saying my name as his eyes seemed to glaze over, his breath became so shallow, & I could see him losing his battle with his desires, only sending myself into a greater role of satisfaction from what seemed like total bliss….we swayed our bodies as one riding out those last few shuttering feelings of our orgasms only to collapse into each other, I could once again feel his whole weight along with his heavy sighs to regain some control. I relished the feeling in holding him like this, and I could tell he was doing the same as well, I hesitantly spoke saying I love you, while wrapping my arms even more tightly around his neck and back. He in return flipping me over on-top of him while never parting from me said "Emily Prentiss you are one hell of a woman and I love you more than you could possibly ever imagine"!

 

It was all I could do this morning to pull myself out of his arms to start my Monday morning I really do not even know how I am able to walk upright considering….well hell considering I believe every possible space in my loft had been christened by us, even my walk-in closet this morning! God, I have never been so happy truthfully in my whole life, well except when Bella was born but that was a different kind of happiness!

There was not much I was sure of right now except for the factor of what the hell was I going to do when we went back home in two days, but what I was sure even though this was new I could definitely kick myself for not saying yes to one of those positions. Maybe I could persuade Senator Cramer into letting me change my opinion or maybe he really knew more than I knew myself, but in all truth I could only stay with INTERPOL since I could not be with Derek and be his boss as well!

My every intentions of getting out of here early especially on a Monday came to a screeching halt when Easter arrived late in the evening as I was trying to get my things together, I guess I couldn't say I was not surprised but after all when did anything that man did surprise me! Why "Hello Emily"…I entrust you enjoyed your time off on this little sabbatical you have taken this past week? If there was one thing I could not stand was a person trying to pry or hint at something they know nothing about, but unfortunately I knew exactly what he was getting at. I cannot say he had surprised me by throwing the whole D.C. matter in my face and if that was not enough he needed to make sure for certain that he knew I had been to see Bella. If anything was for certain it was that these few people who I had not taken great ease to have let things be held over my head would probably be the death of me!

I really wanted to strangle Easter but that would do me no good….he simply told me by declining these offer's that had been given to me I nulled and voided my protection of everything involving my cover-up about government documents & Bella during my CIA/INTERPOL undercover sting. I was really quite unsure what to think or say, I mean hell I would be facing international treason along with endangering my daughter as well. I needed to figure out how to fix this and fix it fast before things came to a completely twisted downfall and my ultimate undoing….I asked him what I needed to do and if there was any hope of changing some things that had transpired in the past week? Of course he just looked at me in that dubious evil smirk he tends to give when his master plan is something greater that is definitely going to either harm me or turn my life into even more turmoil! I told you Easter my going undercover days where over with, that is one thing I told you I would not be doing again if I came back…..of course he recanted that it is more like a keeping tabs issue than an undercover operation! For me that was too many words I did not like in one phrase!

(Easter knew that I definitely would be in a compromising position considering that my face was definitely well known in the states as well as in most of the European area, but I assumed when given the facts that what little time I had spent in Greece was only as a child for vacations would of not make any difference. Oh how wrong was I…..my how time can change ones subtle tune!)

THREE MONTHS LATER…..

If anything the past month & a half being spent in Paros, Greece has actually been to put it mildly kind of mind-numbing, unlike the first month I spent in Rethymno, Greece where I did nothing but be entertained by high aristocrats to get my foot in the door to exceed this lovely little operation of money laundering & racketeering! I admit I enjoy living the life of luxury as long as it did not involve me being in danger, but this was anything but simple. Most of the men & women I had been entertaining where of old money, but where on in years leaving the grunt of the dirty work to their off-spring who were not much younger than myself! Thankful for my attributes given to me by I assume could be called fates, only superseded in blessing me with simple ease, along with my many talents of well hell I will flaunt my gentle flow of an European accent, my vast knowledge of worldly matters, and of course every convenience the European government was putting in my hands!

All I simply had to do was look the part, talk the part and flirt with any and every one, the rest was up to Easter! Which was really starting to take a toll on me, I had not had to work in such close proximity with him in years & now I could see why so…..I do not know how but some way he has become even worse! He seems to forget that we are only pretending and that he has no right to touch, handle, and of course force himself upon me whenever he desires, all in the name of this damned bargain I have let myself be part of to save my own ass…..I know I should be thankful, but so help me to God if he tries to stick his tongue down my throat one more time I am going to cut it off!

(All I could seem to think about was that weekend I spent in Derek's arms how absolutely mind tingling it had all been, but then it leads me to that phone call I had to make only days before we left for this whole mess…..Derek had only been home for less than 36 hours & I had to tell him that I would not be calling or contacting him, nor could he do the same for me….I really did not want to tell him the reason why or who I was going to be with, considering our past! I knew I could not lie to him, nor did I want to….knowing he would be totally bemused by the factor of me going undercover again, which was something he knew I had vowed to never do again! All he could say was he was disappointed and that he did not understand why I kept putting all of these facades between him and I, but that I was a grown ass woman who was going to do whatever I desired regardless of how it would affect us both….God if I could only tell him that this either way would affect us both, as well as a lot of other people, but this was not the place nor the time. I knew that when this was all said and done that if there was still an possible us that I needed to finally come clean and tell him everything, but for now this information would have to be put back under lock and key for another turn of events! Little did I know that Derek had left a part of him inside of me which would become part of my undoing?)

 

I awoke with the worst headache, while trying to adjust my eyes to my surroundings I could tell it was still dark outside through the little slit that was open in the drapes I started to realize I was not in my room at the villa we had been staying at. I tried to move but something or shall I say someone had death grips wrapped around my waist, I tried not to panic as I slowly turned my head to look at the mysterious body that laid behind me, only to realize I had no clue who this man was nor how I had gotten here. I tried to ease my way out from under this man's grips but he only pulled me back closer saying with a slight husky voice you are not going anywhere my "little princess"….my attention was totally at alert now, only one man was ever to call me princess and it sure as hell was not this man!

I was trying to think rationally to how I had come to this place….Easter and I had been out in the market place meeting with some potential clients, when I remember us meeting them, eating, then we went out on their yacht….I knew I had an uneasy feeling but Easter said this was almost over! We had some drinks, but remembered I had felt ill almost queasy to my stomach, I chalked it up to being out in the sun plus drinking! I assume that would account for the headache as I reached for my head that is when I felt it in my hairline wet caking liquid, I jarred my hand back looking at it please tell me this isn't blood….I reached again at the spot and could feel the slight knot protruding, hence for the headache and not remembering, I was knocked the fuck out, what the hell….Damn him to hell I will kill him myself when I get ahold of him…..fucking Easter!

Ok I need to stay rational…. I am assuming we are definitely not on that yacht anymore….I then started to freak even more knowing I am completely nude & can feel that I had definitely been forced to do something without consent, so much for staying rational! (This made me want to think of something more enlightening for the moment which then lead me to that first morning after Derek had made love to me all evening and night, you know when you are in that state of half asleep and half-awake but you cannot seem to open your eyes making you completely groggy to your surroundings? I could feel someone's unclothed form holding me while placing kisses upon my shoulder tracing the line to my neck nipping ever so lightly, their breath was hot upon my skin! I assumed I was still having the wonderful dream I had been basking in for what seemed like hours, until I felt that massive hand graze across my torso up to my breast sending hot fire to my skin causing my eyes to open wide as I felt his hips roll into my backside where I could feel his hardness…..I hear that sensual husky voice say "Good Morning Beautiful" I was totally paralyzed at this sudden realization that I had not been dreaming this…it had actually happened, I immediately turned myself into his arms to meet those warm soft lips which seemed to devour me, all be damned I think he has trying to assault me as much as I was him! I wrapped my leg around him as he slid his between mine right up to my very throbbing heat, with one arm wrapped around my shoulders pulling me in closer while the other guided that man's wonderfully frisky fingers to my ass cheek grabbing it rolling me on top of him…after a couple of mind tingling moments wrapped up with me meshed with him I arose to straddle him feeling his massive girth against my thigh & with the most devilish grin I took it in my hands ever so slightly caressing with each stroke….His eyes had such a mesmerizing look I could not resist. I eased myself down slowly keeping my eyes on him as I gently kissed the tip of him, I could feel him shutter as I took him in my mouth while continuing with rhythm of stroking and tasting every last inch of him, I could not take him in fully but I knew I was enjoying the sight of watching him coming all undone, his breathing had increased, he kept reaching for me but I kept back just enough out of his reach when he had finally given up and just made fist with his hands, I could hear the whimperish moans coming from his mouth as he kept trying to say my name, when he finally managed to get it out telling me if I did not stop he would be no good to me for a little while….I grazed my hand up his thigh, over his hip then inspected every ripple, every crease of muscle I could feel! I found it almost amusing that when he was about to release he always seemed to almost stop breathing….his breaths were so shallow as if he was waiting in anticipation for something unknown, his eyes had already rolled back & his hips had already rolled into me as I concentrated only on helping him finish his release, I could then fill the gush in the back of my throat knowing all I could do was to swallow it, the warm salty taste although not one of the most pleasant things I have ever enjoyed seemed to enlist an animalistic urge in him now it was him watching me as I kissed my way up his magnificent form….) brought back out of my thoughts I could feel this stranger starting to pull my hip back into him as I could feel his hardness even more….I tensed with fear knowing I could not let this happen again, assuming this had already happened once or god only knows! I told him I needed to….."OH HELL"…..before I could get the words out I lost any and everything that was in me all over the side of the bed, the man seemed to jump up cussing a swearing for someone to get the fuck in here and clean this shit up. I had already drawn myself up into a ball when I felt someone yanking me up off of the bed from behind almost dragging me, I needed to scream but I could not open my mouth for the factor I was afraid I would lose it again…when I felt myself being flung through the doorway into another wall, as I opened my eyes to see everything going dark again as my eyes shut!

SOME WEEKS LATER…

All I could see was darkness, but I could hear was the faintness of a beep it seemed like, I tried moving but everything hurt, damn hurt wasn't even the word description I would call this and this sick feeling is worse than when my ulcer was flared up! I managed to get my eyes to slowly open while being assaulted by the light, it wasn't a bright one almost dim in fact but bright enough….everything was hazy in appearance, but I could see someone was coming towards me saying something but I was completely unaware of who or what they were saying! When I saw his face I started panicking from my own distaste I realized I was in and hospital of some sorts. Easter kept speaking but I seemed to be in some kind of tunnel state…or almost sounding like he was speaking into a bucket! I finally managed to respond but this did not sound like my voice I was all hoarse and raspy, Easter just looked at me with the most worry-some face. What little I managed to finally hear he had told me I had been missing for about 2 weeks, but when our team had managed to finally find me they thought I was dead. (Easter said: At first thought all I could do was see your lifeless body there tied up against the wall on some dirty old makeshift bed you where bloody, dirty and had what looked like a towel wrapped around you as a cover-up, I had never been more sickened and hurt by what I saw looking on that floor. Here I had once again put you into danger and I was for certain death this time….when I reached down to touch you, you were so cold to the touch, I gently shook you and could thankfully see a slight movement of your chest, but you were so out of it I could see the tracks on your thigh were they had injected you with bloody-hell who knows what!) I couldn't believe I was seeing these large crocodile tears falling from this man's eyes as he told me how he found me, so I asked how long have I been in the hospital then….with a slight hesitation he looked away then to the window before turning back to look at me, in a low faint whisper he said 5 WEEKS….! I hiccupped trying to breath in from the shock or maybe it was disbelief, at the time I had lost, I could see there was more he was not telling me, but I was not sure if I was ready to hear it just yet….I could feel the tears coming but was trying to keep myself poised at the same time. Another figure coming into the room caught my attention, except this time I could tell it was a doctor, I glanced over at Easter who I noticed kept whispering to himself, so I said I cannot hear you, he spoke louder simply stating "it is all my fault you are in this predicament…it is all my fault you are going to change your life again…..!

As I listened to this Dr. Luchsinger telling me everything intently and on what I guess he thought terms that would be knowledgeable to myself….(Miss Prentiss, I am Dr. Luchsinger an internist for the hospital here, I have been the lead physician while you have been with us all these weeks trying to make heads or tails of everything that is going on with you, and to treat you accordingly to the unknown & keep in compliance of your past medical history, along with trying to make sure no harm has been done. Miss Prentiss you are a very fortunate that your colleges found you when they did, you where severally dehydrated, you had already lost a lot of blood, & infection was starting to set up in the various wounds we found upon your body, but despite being in such a delicate position that you are in you have surprised us all and made a miraculous turn-around from when you first arrived…..considering we are quite sure that everything you had been injected with was a cocktail form of sedation meds, but all in all you should make a full recovery, however due to the physical/mental state you came to us in along with the infections for now we are not sure of how this is going to effect the remainder of your pregnancy, but considering you are around 18 weeks along & past the 1st trimester I believe with continued care as well as upkeep you and this little one shall be just fine.)

 

I have been starring at this phone for hours willing myself to make the phone call….but I just cannot bring myself to do it this way. So I look down at this already worn piece of paper I keep rubbing my finger over the little image of our soon to be baby boy, God I know Derek would be so happy but here I am 24 weeks, & have known about this now for the past 6 weeks I have yet to have called him or contact him! I so meant to call him after I had woke up and was oriented enough which I kept telling myself that up till about 2 weeks ago when they released me….The therapist says I need to call him, but I also need to deal with these demons that has been inflicted upon me this time to make sure I bring this baby into a healthy environment, although she does not want me to be so stressed, I know she is only doing her job…but really!

I have not heard from Easter since I turned my resignation in 4 weeks ago, I really know there is nothing here for me now, but I do not know where to go….I know he will not want me now after this, even though I know this is totally wrong of me to be hiding this from him. I know when he does find out I have kept this from him as…."WELL"….as…"HELL" as well as everything that has happened….(You know a person can only take so much in life, also a person can only comprehend so much, but the way I have felt for the past several weeks since finding out I was pregnant with his child has made me only want to crawl away into oblivion and never return….this is not how I wanted this to happen….I had vowed I would never love a man this much…..I had vowed I would never have any more children, considering the first time around ended in lifelong heartache, the second one ended in me having another child I could never have, sure I could see, touch, & love her, but she only knew me as a close family friend, & now the third time around well this is definitely not a how I foreseen this…..PREGNANT AND ALONE!)

(Emily is talking to her ever growing belly)…..Baby it has been two days since I found out you were a "little Man"….so I guess I should come up with a better nickname then "Tesoro"…..although you truly are my little treasure! So Tesoro what do you think we should do today, should we watch a movie or should we call your daddy & finally tell him? I knew I need to do so, but could and should where terms I did not want to comprehend, I was enjoying my seclusion a little too well this time around! Do not get me wrong I would love to have YOUR DADDY here and to have him doting on our every whim which I know he would be, but things are totally different now!

The knocking at my door totally startled me I think it even made Tesoro kick even harder I managed to pry myself out of my comfy spot to waddle towards the door, I figured Vanessa must have had her hands full since she said she would be stopping by with some things for me….as I opened the door my heart about stopped, he was here in the flesh….DEREK MORGAN was here!

DEREKS (POV)…..On the flight over I had the feeling as if I was making a mistake, considering she had not contacted me this whole time….when I had tried 100's of times with no response on her cell, email, Skype, work, mail, and still nothing…so when Vanessa called me four weeks ago to tell me she had finally heard from her but it was only for the factor she had come in to hand in her resignation and gather her belongings! I thought she was coming home to me finally, but as the weeks turned into a month and still nothing I knew I better be finding out what the hell was going on! So here I am standing in front of the door of the woman I love…..when she opened the door the woman standing in front of me definitely was not the woman I had left over six months ago, here before me stood the Emily that left me only a few short years ago to chase down IAN DOYLE to that fateful night. She looked rather tired, but she was also glowing it seemed, as I managed to take in every sight of her from her beautiful chocolate doe eyes, those plush pink lips, her very full bosom, and instead of that petite waistline that I so loved to wrap my arms around….wait what….her petite waistline was no more it…..it…was rounded….beautifully rounded, her fitted purple t-shirt showed a beautiful form I thought I would have never seen on this woman in front of me! When I managed to raise my eyes back to her eyes, I could see the shock in her features….I tried to speak, but all I could get out of my mouth was "WHY" as I stepped through the hallway!

I told him to come in, as I moved out of the way to let him enter he uttered the words "why"….I waited for him to pass me and shut the door following him down the hallway into the opening living area, he turned dropping his bags then reaching for me he pulled me into his massive warmth, I could feel the tension in my body just relinquish as he held me, but I could still feel his hesitation. As soon as he had hugged me he let me go…..saying do you think there is something you need to tell me…I chuckled a little, as if it was not obvious I said….Derek I meant to call you I just couldn't find it in my heart to call you…I didn't want to hurt you Derek, I saw as his expression changed, as he said "please say it is mine…PLEASE EMILY, because so help me if you say it is not I do not think I could take it!"…I told him yes this little Tesoro was most definitely his, he looked at me strangely with the name I gently started rubbing my upper belly, he reached out as if wanting to do the same with his hand, that is when I stepped into his touch placing his hand where this ever active little boy was dancing on my ribcage….I do not believe I could ever imagined the face he would have made but it was one of love and hurt in one…..I placed my hand over his looking into his warm watering caramel eyes & with the best smile I could give I told him this "little treasure was a boy"…..!

 

JULY 2013(REMINDERS…)

As I had walked in looking at the sprawl of files, agents, and hell bloody mess surrounding me feeling as if I needed to turn right back around from this chaos before I woke up! Although my superior attitude saw differently, my agents as well as FBI where fighting some men I had no clue who or where they had come from. As a blue like blur passed by me I knew I needed to get to my office set my things down and then come and assess this situation to make sure it stopped abruptly! As I had hurried through the line of desk trying to stay out of the way of the agents trying to keep things at bay, I was almost to the corridor that led to my office when I heard it, those distinctive sounds of a bullet being fired! Usually at that sound I would have taken cover before turning around to see where or who had been the cause of the assaulting sound, but today of all days was different! As I turned to my right all I could feel was a piercing pain into my chest, I made a few more steps forward only to feel another hot fire rip through my upper torso, Oh God make this stop I thought…make this pressure go away. As I looked down my blouse was soaked with a warm red blood, I reach my hands to my chest and torso only to extend them again in front of me to see them covered in blood. I looked up again seeing Hotch in front of me saying something, then Rossi grabbing me as I felt myself collapsing to the ground my eyes flickered again and JJ was on the phone then it all went dark, nothing! As my eyes flickered again there where people dressed in blue-green scrubs with mask on them I wanted to move but I could not, all I could feel was pain, but a numbing pain then nothing again!

FEBRUARY 2014(PRESENT DAY….)

My Dearest Cara Mia,

It had been over 2 months since I had been to see you this morning, you lay their like a porcelain angel dreaming! These visits are getting harder & harder for me, because I know that you should have already awoken up but apparently the world you are in now is better than this living one! The doctors seem to think your brain is preventing you from returning to us, since your last EEG clearly stated that your mind is staying in a deep REM mode without alleviation. So I can only assume in this state you are completely happy!

I saw were Garcia had been here with all the cheery new blankets and pictures of all of us at Christmas & New Years, God we missed you…we were a sorry bunch!

Hotch finally proposed to Beth over New Years, but I guess Garcia would have told you that already! Reid, well he is Reid….he is getting by, this time he isn't as lost but he is still wondering aimlessly knowing that all his statistics are not going to make you wake up. JJ & Will are trying for another baby, which really has surprised me, considering everything we have been through, but I guess they need a little happiness again for once…As I chuckle at that thought, every time she brings Henry to see you he calls you his "Snow-Angel" instead of his "Emmy"….which is actually quite fitting, considering you have come back from the dead and once again …well once again we are waiting for you to come back from somewhere! As for myself I am still trying to ease my tired & angry heart over losing Erin….yes there I said it, even though I know I denied it for so long, but I guess you are no stranger to secret loves are you!

So I guess that brings me to him, doesn't it? Well to be honest I do not know if he will recover back from this, this time! Last time he had a purpose….a purpose to take avenge for your death, but this time….well this time he was right their & he felt like he did when he found you last time….he was too late! We have all tried to help & tried to make him believe differently, but he wants no part of it!

I wish I could make you wake up to end this crazy nightmare we all keep dancing around in ….he needs you and well hell we all need you! We wanted you back home with us but this is not the way! When your mother had you moved here before your birthday last October, we had planned on a visit, praying it would be what you needed to come back. However I guess you just were not ready, nor I guess even now you are not ready to come back to us!

With all my LOVE

Sincerely Rossi

P.S. We all love you, each in our own unique ways, so do not forget amongst us all we are only human, & Angels surround us all….which only means of us all you must be the ANGEL!

You know how sometimes you feel like you are meant to be in one place but you are actually in another….well maybe a sort of Déjà vu takes over! Every once in a while I could feel or hear something from somewhere outside of the realm of my conscience being, somewhere beyond what had seemed this nightmare I was living in these past months. As I tried to open my eyes all I could feel was stiffness, as if I had been stuck somewhere completely out of the ordinary then thrown back into this state of relaxation! I know it doesn't make since, but hell neither does what has been happening since I was shot!….Wait! What? I was shot?….I was shot and I remember, what do I remember? Everything around me is dark, not a cold dark, just dark! I feel something tight around my arm; it keeps squeezing getting tighter by the second. I manage to try and flick my eyes around but everything is blurry and unfamiliar, I hear someone start to yell for a doctor to get in here! I must still be in the hospital, I blink my eyes several more times trying to make things come into focus, but it is not helping the light is just making flashing insults to me as some man keeps flashing his light into my eyes, I try swatting at the offending object but nothing is happening. He keeps saying my name wanting me to respond, but I cannot get my mouth to move! I can feel the warm tears starting to run down the sides of my face knowing something is wrong….terribly wrong!

 

What had seemed like hours' was really only a few a very short minutes in time since I had awoken to finding out my life had taken some very life altering turns. When I had started waking up I could not fathom for the life of me why all the medical staff had freaked out, but soon realizing I was not in a hospital but in a rehab/nursing home made me even more aware that I must be worse off than I thought. Adding to that concern that they needed to wait till an executor of my estate was present before they could tell me anything….what the hell was I five years old and needing my hand held to tell me that apparently my life had ceased ultimately for what must have been longer than I thought, to only then be told I was back in Bethesda!

Doctor Reynolds informed me that my mother was my executor and would not be able to get here until late tomorrow afternoon due to being out of the country, no surprise there, but had faxed signed release forms to inform me of what was medically necessary to know. Oh boy now I am a big girl aren't I…the Doctor proceeded to tell me that due to the enormous blood lose along with when the bullet that had hit my thoracic cavity had actually partially severed my jugular on my left side causing a major decrease in blood flow to my brain in return which deprived it of enough oxygen, resulting in me basically bleeding out from the inside while shutting down all my major organ systems. In return they would not be absolutely sure of the repercussions until they ran some tests and only time would tell.

I laid there thinking to myself how could this get any worse, but then again let's think about who we were talking about! I was trying to piece everything together all evening from what was real and what was just a dream, Lord it was all just a dream. That meant I could fix everything, I could start everything new, I could have my family back again, I could be with Derek, & wait he may not want me! How much had I dreamt? How much was real? A young attendant interrupted my train of thought to inform me that someone was her to visit me & wanted to know if I was up to it! I nodded slightly kind of leery of whom it might be, but as I saw that blonde wavy hair coming my way with his little adorable smile, followed by JJ my mood was instantly lightened!

"Mommy, look Emmy's not a snow-angel anymore…she's awake"…"Yes sweetie, she knew you were coming to see her today and wanted to surprise you"! I tried my best to sit up as much as I could possibly as Henry climbed up on the bed next to me telling me about the book he brought to read me today, in which I am assuming this was his usual routine on these visits these past months! He nestled up to me leaning against me opening his little book asking me if I was ready for my story….I smiled warmly at his jester that completely brought a wave of peace over me. As Henry proceeded with his story I glanced back and forth at him to JJ, the turmoil that was showing in her face as she tried to hide something, but what I was not quite sure. When Henry had finished the story she asked him if he wanted to go play in the playroom for a little while so she could visit with me before they had to go, he eagerly came and gave me a hug once again followed with a soft little peck on the cheek telling me how happy he was I was his Emmy again and not just a snow-angel along with an I love you! I watched as JJ lead him out only returning a few short moments later, coming to me with her arms stretched out wide embracing me as I could hear a muffled cry while she hugged me even tighter. As much as I knew I should be affected by this sentiment, I simply said everything is alright and that I loved her! At this she seemed to whimper even more, as I started to ask her why she was so teary eyed she pulled away from me to say how sorry she was. I asked her what she had to be sorry for but I could see the shadows reflecting in her red stained blue orbs as if it was clear as day, either she had been the shooter or she was the cause of the shooting! As I tried to quite her down to tell me her reason for breaking down she just continues to look at me with those empty tear stained eyes, finally mumbling out the words I knew where coming. "Emily I am so sorry, I tried to stop him before he could get to the gun, but…but he had already thrown me up against the desk knocking the wind out of me when he grabbed my gun as well….I…I….managed to grab his arm to stray the bullet from myself…..(she sighed sucking up another round of sobs)….I knew I should have maneuvered myself differently as I grabbed for his arm but he started firing rounds off in the air, I thought they were shooting stray & not at someone….I was wrong….so wrong….as I saw him being tackled to the ground I went with him, I started to get away trying to get up, but…but that's when I saw your blood stained hands….you were in total shock…I yelled at Hotch to go to you, as I crawled my way towards you reaching for my cell in my pocket to call 911….Rossi grabbed you as you collapsed to the ground, by the time I had gotten to you….you were already losing conscienceness!" I just looked at this fragile creature in front of me that seemed to be blaming herself for all of this, I finally managed to say that none of this was her fault it was just a matter of circumstances that no one had any control over. Of course she wanted to argue with me….but I finally just laid back from pure exhaustion laid my hand on her hand that was beside me as I closed my eyes to muster up the words to say "JJ you have always done what was best for me and have protected me even when it nearly destroyed you, so as far as this goes it is water under the bridge & what I really need is you to do is to suck it up, be here for me now & always!" Simply because I love you like a sister, a best friend, & family!

It was not long afterwards the nurse came back in saying that visiting hours where over and that I needed to rest, we managed to say our goodbyes, JJ told me she would be back by in a day or two, but would be checking in to make sure what was going on in the meantime.

THREE WEEKS LATER….

(After numerous testing, the start of rehab, & tons of visits from Garcia, Rossi, JJ, Henry & my mother I was finally getting released. But where is home when you really do not have one to go to!)

My mother had been very adamant about me coming to stay with her, but after countless bickering back and forth she finally agreed to let me have my way, while she managed to find me a condo back in Georgetown, only allowing my mother to hire someone to come and check in on me once a day considering I was still not allowed to drive or allowed any physical activities. Luckily when my mother had me moved back to the states she had also made sure my belongs where also packed, brought, and stored as well. So as I walked in I was surrounded by my own things as well as some new things I knew definitely had Penelope Garcia written all over them….lol, beautiful bouquet of flowers in every room as well as a covered tray on the counter full of my favorite pastries from the Spicery shop down the road!

I finally managed to get my mother out the door, after going through the whole floor plan to see where everything was along with once again going over what I needed to do or who to call if anything was wrong with myself or just simply needed something. I walked back through the massive foyer to find the comfort of my massive couch which always seemed to swallow me whole, as if it were protecting me from invaders when I heard the most muffled knock at the door. Good Lord….what did you forget mother…I said as I opened the door to find only the appearance of a very different Derek Morgan than I had ever seen! This shallow appearance of a man looking back at me was not my friend I had known before, but he seemed only to be a shell of a man from my past! As I invited him in, he reached for me but I stepped back….I stepped back in hesitance, almost as if I was scared of him, almost as if I knew our last words were in hate (all the while in my head or in my dreams our last words were of me telling him I was carrying his little boy….but it was a dream….wasn't it? Yes…yes it was a dream were he in this reality had no clue of how I felt nor I knew how he felt….I mean I know we care but to what extent?) He just looked at me in disbelief as I backed away from him motioning for him to come in, but not near me. I shut the door but as I turned around he was waiting for me, I felt his arms around me tight….I tensed at his touch keeping my arms at my sides completely unable to move, what was wrong with me why was I acting this way? Why? Why? Why could I not respond to his touch, what the hell was wrong with me? He let me go apologizing for intruding he asked if I wanted him to go….All I could do was just stare at him in confusion. (My life for the past 7 plus months had been all about him and our way of finding each other….& now knowing it was all a dream where do I go from here? What do I do? What do I say?) I finally said no I do not want you to go, I want you to stay he asked me once again are you sure. I stepped forward to embrace him but was met with him pulling me by my waist into him, as I buried my face into his chest reaching around to clasp my arms around his neck….God he smelled so good! I managed to pull away slightly to look at him seeing we both had tears in our eyes not saying a word our lips met as one, while he moved his trembling hand from my waist to embrace my cheek I leaned into him more while I a released a slight whimper into his mouth he pulled me tighter into him as we seemed to explore the velvety smoothness of each other's tongues & mouths!

 

As I was looking in the mirror at my own reflection, I wondered really who this woman was staring back at me! Was she a complete stranger? Was she a washed up ex-FBI/CIA Agent? Was she this middle-aged woman with nothing to show for in her life? A thought of what was really burning at her was maybe I am the woman who told the only man who has ever truly loved me to leave her alone!

It had been 3 days, 10 hours, 6 minutes & 9 seconds since she asked him to leave and not come back after the kiss they had shared her 1st day she had come home. Everything had been so overwhelming since she had awoken until now as she stared at every little crease and flaw that she seemed to see in the mirror. I stepped away retreating back into my bedroom to find comfort back into the plush oversized chase that sat near my bed, to once again look at the letters that Rossi had written me over the months while I was in my coma. His words flowed so haphazardly from the pages about what was going on in the world around me and what I seemed to be missing. These letters have opened that wound even farther into my very being as anything I think ever has, not even my whole Doyle saga could even compare. Reading each line of every letter so carefully about each of my friends intimately he had written all accept but one had he written about. Derek had been omitted from his words except for the occasional withdrawnness he had shown at work, other than that Derek's thoughts where at a total loss for me. Until today when a currier dropped off this leather bounded journal with the initials D.M. embossed on the lower right corner, the worn pages that had been splashed with remnants of his tears along with a few pages torn out wadded up but then had been carefully taped back together and stuffed along various places in the bindings.

I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew I was being lifted up from where I was & I knew those arms all so well along with that scent. Only one man could make me succumb to his very essence…none other than DEREK MORGAN! I pretended as though I was still in a slumber although my heart had started to beat out of my chest or so it seemed. As he laid me down on the duvet he leaned in close barely inches away from my face, I could feel his grin before he placed a chaste kiss upon my lips. I couldn't help but respond as I pulled him down on me he chuckled saying I knew you couldn't resist me my sleeping beauty!

I gasped slightly as his tongue begged for more entry into my already breathless being, as he deepened his kiss I started unbuttoning his shirt I needed to feel his skin….I needed to feel him….I needed to place my hand over his beating heart, fuck the buttons as I tore at his short. He stopped kissing me to look me in the eyes as he grabbed both my wrist placing them above my head holding them with one hand & with the other cupping my face to only say we have forever to rush, but tonight there is no rush, only two souls finding each other in this sea of darkness!

I guess I should of not been surprised by the magic this man held in his hands or his sinful mouth, but as he placed feather light chaste kisses along my hips as one hand taunted my left breast and the other was gently adding pressure to my swollen clit. He was slowing setting me on fire, to only make that slow burning feeling turn into a right out blaze when those soft plush lips of his kissed me along my creases that had become excitingly wet from my intoxication of him. While slowing moving his hand from my engorged clit, his devilish tongue took its place while slightly nibbling as well, that's when before I could even control myself the first shockwave of my orgasm hit me. Oh lord this man was going to make me come undone before he even penetrated me, he must definitely be the devil himself or a gift from GOD! Before I could come down from my high he slowly placed one finger ever so slightly into my hot wet core, before placing the second one I watched as we pulled out his fingers only to place them in his mouth making a pleasing noise, that's when he spread my folds back to lap up my remaining juices…..I cannot say I was not turned on if anything something primal or almost feral took heed in my body I wanted nothing more than to have him in me ….I needed to taste him…..I needed to feel him inside of me…..I needed to have him use all of me up and leave nothing behind. I guess he had notice this in my low growl that came from my throat that he needed to be prepared before I pounced like a lioness does her prey….because that was exactly what he was about to become.

As I sat straddling him thrusting into him with my hands grasping his bare chest firmly with my head thrown back in ecstasy I did not realize his words until I heard him saying my name…..it was my name Derek Morgan was calling out, but not in the manner of "Fuck me Emily" or "Faster Emily"…the words he said were from a man lost in the sea of passion with the woman he loved….if he had not said it once he said it "Oh God…..I do not know how many times"….his simple words coursed pleasure through me more than anything could possibly …those simple words of "I love you Emily, never let me go"…it was almost as if he was speaking in tongues….that's when I totally was lost in my train of thought & he pulled me to him wrapping his arms around me to flip me onto my back never breaking our union as one, while I wrapped my body around him he plunged deeper into me with every thrust becoming erratic and frenzied. I could not see clearly I felt myself tightening around his member again for what seemed like the 100th time, as I was coming undone once again he let out a slow deep growl while his body went rigid he spilled his very being and seed into me….! We laid there in a hot heated mess intertwined breathlessly while neither of us wanted to let go of this moment!

A few hours later as we still laid there in the darkness I could feel his soft warm breaths upon my neck as he held me closely spooned while our naked bodies craved the warmth of each other, I knew he was not quite asleep and my mind was reeling with thousands of questions, but before I could say anything he said I love you and I plan on never letting you go…..! I turned my head slightly to face him more to look into his still glazed eyes that shown in the moonlight and said in return I love you, with little hesitation I turned even more placing my hand on his heart gave him a light kiss upon his lips. When I parted from his lips I simply said thank you for "Letting it be Me!"

THE END


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